Responding to an email that questioned whether parents invade their children’s privacy by posting content across web channels, Chris Pirillo created a blog post last weekend entitled, “Should Parents Share a Kid’s Life Online?”
The crux of his blog post is echoed in this video:
At the end, Chris summarizes:
Be honest with your child about what you post, and where. Listen to them when they are old enough to understand, and let them choose whether or not you post things.
I immediately thought of “Julie” (not her real name), the young child of Elizabeth and Jason, a Boston-area couple who I met a few years ago as a community theater actor. Since Julie’s birth, her parents had posted pictures on Flickr and wrote blog posts on LiveJournal.
I emailed Elizabeth on Sunday, referencing Chris’ thoughts, and curious of her take.
Me: What do you think of Chris Pirillo’s piece?
Elizabeth: That’s a good post–cognizant of the issues involved, but without being paranoid or overly neurotic about it.
Me: Why did you decide to chronicle Julie’s life on Flickr?
Elizabeth: Flickr is actually just a repository. The real project is her blog, where we have posted a single photo (and occasional video) of her every day of her life. I didn’t really decide to do it every day; I just started doing it without a lot of expectations and this is what it became.
Me: Do you see it ever ending?
Elizabeth: Sure. I consider stopping from time to time and I think when she goes to school it will get harder and may end there as a daily thing. On the other hand, it’s possible that she may get into the project and want to continue. Sometimes I think it would be cool if she does it all her life, but I don’t have any particular plans in that direction.
Me: With her motor skills developing, has she seen herself online?
Elizabeth: Oh yes. She loves photos and videos of herself and often demands to see them.
Me: How do you think she’ll react when she grows up?
Elizabeth: I have no idea. If she’s bothered by it, I would be happy to discontinue the blog or make it entirely private. On the other hand, a lot of the trend pieces about the current generation of teenagers suggests that they have no real expectation of privacy, although they are sometimes a bit shocked by the consequences of that. I expect that navigating the future world will depend a great deal on how the net continues to develop and what particular individual our daughter turns out to be.
Me: Do you think other parents should photograph or videotape their kids from birth on up?
Elizabeth: Should? That’s a very loaded word. I think it has some very interesting benefits and we haven’t seen a downside yet. But people should handle their interaction with the world in ways that make them comfortable.
Me: Do you know other parents who do?
Elizabeth: Most parents that I know document their children in some fashion. My parents certainly did. I have heard of other daily-picture projects, although I don’t track any of them, and there are gajillions of blogs and Flickr accounts and the like where people are posting photos and writing about their kids.
Me: Anything else you’d like to share?
Elizabeth: The point of the blog is both to chronicle Julie’s childhood and to share it with friends and family who don’t get to see her as often as they’d like. I think one of the things that makes it easy for us to do it on a daily basis is that we’re both at home during the day, so our time with our daughter is not as limited as many parents’ is.
In talking with other parents about how they document their children’s lives, it seems easier to just put up a photo every day than to try to remember to do it occasionally, or to write entries about the kids’ development. It is also more immediate–while we certainly decide what’s interesting to shoot and choose what to post, there is a lot that is unmediated. We don’t necessarily know what will be interesting–to Julie, to our future selves, to other people–about these photos and videos when seen years or decades from now.
At the moment, it’s great to be able to compare shots from a year ago today, two years ago today, to see how much she’s changed in a relatively short time, to compare how she measures against the same table, or how much more easily she navigates an obstacle now than she did six months ago. We do edit–I try not to put up photos of her completely naked, or that expose her genitals or show her excretory functions. I have those photos and I’ll share them with her if and when she’s ever curious, but those are aspects of my own life I prefer to keep private and I draw the same line for her.
I hope you understand why I’m not linking to the photos or blog posts involving “Julie.” If you’re a parent (or know one), care to add your thoughts?
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Ari Herzog is an online media strategist and Newburyport City Councilor-Elect.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s a tough situation, ultimately I think you can safely show certain things online about your family, however you are always taking a risk as well.
It’s something I’ve been aware of from day one. I run a digital agency and so I spend a lot of time online. I tend to run two online identities for personal and business and the two rarely meet. Occasionally I’ll tweet about my children but I don’t mention exactly where I live or my children’s name. I’m not sure why I’ve chosen to do it that way it just seemed like a natural way to protect my private family life and I’m pretty comfortable doing that way. I do have a flickr account with pics of them up and I put their photos on Facebook but I tend to use both of those networks for friends and family.
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I have friends who have elected to do it both ways. One has a blog and uses it to keep in contact with her ex husband and that side of the family since they are military and have moved quite a bit. He can see what is going on with his kids because they are in different locations in the USA. Which I see why she is doing it that way. Plus, most of the people who probably are looking for her know her. Plus, there is always the discretion of what happens if the wrong people find out. But they are military so they are always moving.
Then I have a second friend who doesn’t put names with her kids. She does on FB but when she blogs she doesn’t write down their names.
So I can see the point of doing them both. I am not a parent but I have witnessed both sides of the coin.
I am extremely uncomfortable with this kind of thing. I don’t think it matters if a parent is not showing a child’s naked pictures. Most pedophiles first meet their victims fully clothed — they just approach them the way they might otherwise approach a date.
And it is so incredibly easy to find out where people live. I know law enforcement officers still working to get their personal info removed from data-mining sites. I am sure I can be found… I just try not to make it TOO easy, and I make sure the focus is on me/my business rather than my kids.
Sorry if I appear judgmental. This is one of my hot buttons. I am sure most parents weigh the odds of a creep approaching them/their kids vs. the need to share info with family flung far and wide. Those odds, given the proliferation of other blogs and photo accounts as well as the easy accessibility of child porn, are very low… but they exist, and I (like other commenters here) prefer to minimize them as much as I can.
You know, I’d love to hear from an ICAC or other investigator on this issue!
Personally, if ever I have a child of my own I wouldn’t share it with the world by writing about him on my blog because I fear about his safety.
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This is so great! The kind of conversation that must take place more to avoid unintended “child abuse” that could result from not thinking before acting! And aren’t we all guilty of that, from time to time!
As an advocate of children, I’m delighted anytime there is an attempt to increase the health, safety and welfare of children. However, I do believe that living is by its very nature a “risk-taking” endeavor so too much caution is not the best answer either.
Thanks for a great break! Enjoyed every minute of it….
Interesting discussion and I wonder why so many parents show their naked kids on family blogs but here I find some explanations. You live in a very big country and probably share children´s progress by writing on the blog. What I wonder is why so many parents show their kids´genitals on the blog. I am not only thinking about peddo´s as they probably feel attracted to all types of children ( dressed or undressed) but also about the child´s right to privacy. I might sound judgemental ( and maybe I am because I think the parents are so stupid ) but shouldn´t parents be more sensitive about what they share with the webworld? Isn´t it illegal, BTW, to put up naked pics of children on blogs or similar?
Well- I think that it all depends on how exactly things will be shared- of course a great parent would never share children major problems that could possibly hurt their future job life or something. And naked pictures are definitely out in my opinion because of wackos out there.
I don’t see any problems with sharing birthday party pictures or something cute that they drew. People just have to have good common sense.
My boys love knowing that I’m proud of them and their accomplishments and sometimes share their great qualities with the world.
All the best,
Eren
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Honesty is still the best policy and the purpose of the action will be the one to justify the end. Since Julie’s parents have good intentions in making documentaries of her while she is growing up, then they have to tell her honestly about their purpose in a way that she can understand at her current age. But if they feel like it is not comfortable to anyone of them anymore then the parents should make some moves on how things can be handled better. As a safety measure since Internet exposure is involved, strangers who will try to become close to their daughter must be investigated and checked first.