Shelly Kramer inspired me with this Twitter message about the joy of translating her online friendships to offline encounters:
IRL is shorthand for “in real life.”
My response: Big whoop.
I mean, yeah, it’s nice and all and I appreciate the concept as I have formed many friendships and business partnerships as the direct result of online camaraderie, but in the spirit of my elementary school peers who wrote to “pen pals” in another country and felt ecstatic the moment they met in person, is Shelly’s epiphany truly new?
To the bigger issue, shouldn’t we be concerned about social ills of focusing one’s friendships online? When a British study earlier this year interviewed 16,000 youths between 14 and 21 about their use of MySpace, would you be surprised that 36% felt more comfortable talking to friends online than face to face? How is Twitter helping? I’m all for technological improvements and taking advantage of Generation Y’s persistence of using the internet, but to what cost?
Don’t get me wrong. I agree with the importance of online friendships when times are tough, as Tara Hunt confides:
I’ve known more than one social network addict that has received ample support, including late night phonecalls, offers of dinners, shoulders to cry on and generally helpful feedback when feeling blue, angry or otherwise down in the dumps.
If I’m a singer, she’s preaching to the choir.
Let’s look at the bigger picture.
Graph shows rising Google searches for online friends
If people are searching for online friends on Google, is it any wonder that social networking services are seeing exponential growth–or that exclamations like Shelly’s are commonplace? I just wonder at what cost.
Related posts:
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- How Unfollowing May Increase Twitter Productivity
- Reviewing Twitterville
Comments:
Ari Herzog is an online media strategist and Newburyport City Councilor-Elect.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
If a person is not into Internet Marketing then he/she is not obliged to join Social Media networks like Twitter or Facebook however at this time of day, it can be a requirement or at the least having an email and an IM to talk to friends and family is becoming a necessity.
The limitations that I could think of is distinguishing the real from the virtual although at times it can coincide, the matter of acceptance and setting our own values will always be a deciding factor in the long run.
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Social media is in some ways making us more sociable and less at the same time. More people do not like conversing on the phone or in person because of it now.
Well of course you’ll find it more comforable and easier speaking to people online (after all I’m doing it now!) so if anything I’m surprised that the stats were as low as 36%.
As long as the internet isnt the SOLE method of socialising and you NEVER leave the house then I really dont see the problem. As a complement to you ‘IRL’ social life the internet is invaluable as you will (and I have) met lots of wonderful people that I otherwise wouldnt have known.
I think that, for people who are uncomfortable in real life situations, having an outlet online where they can connect with others in an environment where they are more comfortable is a great thing.
I know there were times when I was dealing with things that I wasn’t comfortable sharing with those I knew IRL, I was able to share them with online friends that were going through the same kind of thing, and received a lot of support. So while social media may make some people less sociable IRL, it is definitely helping others be sociable in ways they never imagined.
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Most of my online friendships have become wonderful, close relationships.
Most of my offline would-be friendships have fizzled.
As a work-at-home mom in an industry largely populated by men, I am in the unique position of not having many interests that most of my demographic can relate to. So I have sought out other writing mothers, and bonded with men in my “target” market.
That’s key. The men understand running a business in a way the mothers don’t. The writing mothers understand needing to do something “more” than mothering in a way I never found in IRL mothers’ groups.
Those online relationships have translated very well into offline (though long-distance) relationships. I don’t feel pressure to “make friends” in my neighborhood with people I don’t fit in with. Do the online relationships make it harder to fit in? I don’t think so. Not fitting in has been a lifelong problem (34 years) for me. I do, however, fit in perfectly with my online friends. So the cost of not being online, for me, would be far higher.
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Clarification: not to say mothers don’t understand running a business. The mothers IN MY WORLD have not understood running a freelance writing (and now PR/SM business) geared toward the public safety community.
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I think this is just a reflection of the changing times, something similar to what has always happened. I remember sitting in a conference some time back where they said businesses need to accomodate the three classes of employees.
There’s the older generation that likes to pick up the phone and have face to face meetings, a middle generation that likes email and a younger generation that likes IM and social sites.
Is it bad? I don’t think so, it’s just different.
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The internet has given us the option to not be confined to a demographic area when making friends. This makes it a true choice and not a temporary friend that will fizzle out when life’s circumstances change- like moving from a city.
Life pulls us from every which way. It may be an illness that prevents us from having mobility, kids to care of and we can’t leave at home to go hang out with our offline friends, living in an extremely dangerous area which makes it very unsafe to leave the house, etc. All of the factors that I just listed are facts of my own life which have isolated me. I’m very thankful for my friends that I make online – even if they on the other side of the globe. They are as much my friends or as those I have made a connection with offline.
All the best,
Eren
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I think the cost can be very high when it comes to younger generations. Since I discovered social media as an adult, I have had many prior years of (offline) interactions which allowed me to be socialized in a “normal” fashion.
I fear for Gen Z who spend a ton of time in front of the computer, looking at cell phone screens and spending a lot of time online. Yes, they still go to school and interact in person, but with some schools eliminating recesses and physical education they are losing more and more time where they can learn the social norms of being amongst people. I was recently speaking with someone who runs camps in Northern California and she was saying that sometimes kids come to camp and they just don’t know how to interact with each other. I think it is definitely something that parents should be cognizant of and try to get their kids out into the real world more often.
For myself, my new online relationships have been extremely fulfilling, but are always balanced with offline experiences as well. But I agree this is not necessarily a “new” thing. Working in an international corporate environment I have worked with people for years over the phone and through email sometimes without ever meeting them in person, but still having great working relationships. I was always pleased when I did get to meet them IRL, an added bonus.
Sorry if I went on, but thanks for the insightful post!
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To be fair, there is also society to blame and the progression of technology. How many kids have used a “landline” telephone to know that “1″ must be pressed to call another area code?
Those statistics about 36% of kids felt more comfortable talking online than in person is an interesting and amazing statistic. I wouldn’t be surprised if the % is even higher and that is what is fueling the internet and social media. It is easier for anyone to go outside of their comfort zone through a computer vs in person.
It is easier for anyone to go outside of their comfort zone through a computer vs in person.
Why do you say this?